So ever since I could remember I always asked myself, “What are you going to do with your life?” Every year I would compose a goal sheet a map to success. My first one, that I actually still have, goes back to 1993. I was starting a new school and I just felt like… Okay this is the big leagues you have to have a solid plan to your ultimate goal. Poor thing, my ultimate plan kept changing. Most adults were often impressed with my forethought at such an early age. What they failed to understand was I wasn’t asking myself these questions and desperately seeking the answers out of maturity. It was more out of fear and the desire to save myself from failure and disappointment.
I was and slightly still am the type of person that ALWAYS wanted to know what was going to happen every step of the way. What is going to happen if I earn a degree in business as opposed to applied health? What will happen if I move to New York as opposed to Georgia, will there be better employment opportunities? What will happen if I decide to get married, will it last more than 5 years? Would I be happier single? What am I going to be like when I’m 60 years old, will I be happy with the chooses I’ve made? ALL THESE QUESTIONS AND NO DEFINITIVE ANSWERS. You know why there’s no definite answers, because I am not God and faith is built knowing that He has all of this figured out for us. Amen.
So fast forward 15-20 years…
I started college as a biology major, then pre-med or vise versa, I can’t remember. I eventually left pre-med and that University behind to follow my dreams of being a business owner, an entrepreneur. I enrolled in a great business program and graduated with a Bachelors degree in Business Management and Marketing. I became gainfully employed a few months after graduating with a post secondary institution that compensated well in salary and benefits. For the most part I’m sticking to my goal sheet with minor changes so far. A year after graduating with my Bachelors I began my MBA degree. Two years later, 2008, I was done and I felt that my credentials could command me a higher salary. Everyone was screaming a recession is coming, a recession is here, but I thought I was exempt; after all I had just graduated with a freaking Masters degree. BOOYAAA, in yo’ face sucka! (sigh…. we all know what happened right.)
At this point I was living well but I wasn’t happy with my employment any longer. I was ready for a new chapter in my life. I was ready to start my own Marketing and Events Company. I felt unfulfilled working for someone else and felt I could dive head first into it. I was all into my feelings. I went against all logic and educational principle I have ever learned; I quit my job and moved to a whole new city where I only knew 1 person. I did have a job waiting for me; once I arrived the city went on a hiring freeze and my position was now on hold pending the lift of this hiring freeze. What… Wait… I don’t understand… can you please repeat that. NO JOB, NO MONEY, NO FUTURE! I was a single mother in an unfamiliar city with no family support system.
But that’s okay because herein lies my change, growth and part of my testimony.
Part of that goal sheet was me becoming a college professor some day. Since I couldn’t do that I began substitute teaching for income at an inner city school. Towards the end of the term one of my students mentioned that she was of the same faith as me and where she had worshiped. I was pleased because up until this point I was reflecting over my “goal” sheets through the years and tried to pin point exactly where I went wrong. I questioned decisions I had made and this sprouted a tremulous spiritual warfare inside of me. I visited the church, loved it and made it home. After months of faithful attendance something inspired me to place a note in the pastor’s hand as he was greeting the members upon exit. That note changed both of our lives; so much so that til this day, 4 years later, my pastor still has it as a reminder. One day I may share the contents of note with you.
During the summer once my substitute assignment had ended I accepted a position with a local college. I was far from happy and really regretting the situation I had put myself and my family in. Two or three weeks after I started working at the college the hiring freeze was lifted and the position that I had initial sought was now available. Sigh, decision time again. I declined the position and decided to stay with the college I was with; four months later my position was eliminated and I was let go. Regret, frustration, defeat, failure, I knew and felt them all.
Continue to Pt. 2 here