Dating Deal Breakers

So I wanted to share details of a dinner conversation I had with a close friend of mine and her boyfriend who sometimes refer to himself as a “relationship guru”. Even though we talked about a slew of other topics, the most entertaining was dating deal breakers for 2012. Now for those of you who don’t know I am single and NOT ready to mingle but I was curious to see if my perceptions about dating were still valid for the times. I have been referred to as an old lady by close male and female friends so I put myself to the test.  I personally think people are more judgmental then they have ever been. But I understand they have a lot more to lose. How man and women even make it to the “boyfriend/girlfriend” stage and beyond is interesting to me to say the least. Below is a short list of deal breakers that we had a good laugh over. They apply to both sexes!

Deal Breaker: Unemployment, YES
Reason why: You don’t have to have a 9-5 but having a steady and consistent flow of income is required with the exception of pyramid schemes. LOL

Deal Breaker: Having a child(ren), YES and NO
Reason why: Having children is relative to the person and situation. If the person you’re dating prefer and love children than you are set. Having a child(ren) became a deal breaker if the child was a few months old (like really? Who dates with a new born at home? LOL) or had child(ren) with behavioral problems. Lastly the amount of children can also be a deal breaker.

Deal Breaker: College degree, NO
Reason why: I think we all know that having a college degree does not equal success. It does, however, demonstrate that you can start something and stay committed to it until its completion. Absence of a college degree meant that you needed to have a bona fide trade.

Deal Breaker: High School Diploma/ GED, YES
Reason why: If you didn’t have a HS Dip or GED all bets were off. The consensus was that it was hard enough for college graduates to get a job much less someone with no HS Dip or GED. Here’s the twist, if you didnt have a HS Dip/GED but you were earning lots of money they it wasn’t a deal breaker.

Deal Breaker: Living at home with parents, YES and NO
Reason why: If you’re living at home to save money for your own home purchase, in the near future, then it was somewhat acceptable. If you’ve never moved out to begin with than that was a deal breaker.

Deal Breaker: Religious affiliation, YES and NO
Reason why: If the woman is serious about her religious affiliation than she might be less likely to make a change to the males’ religion (the man is the head of the household theory applies here). The opinions at the table were men are more likely to convert to her religion than vice versa. All parties agreed that a Christian dating an atheist was a deal breaker.

Deal Breaker: Age, NO
Reason why: Age is just a number. Both sexes were willing to date someone 10 years their senior and 5-7 years their junior.

Deal Breaker: Bad teeth, YES
Reason why: Poor dental hygiene says a lot about a person and none of it is good. Crooked teeth however were still in the game, not a deal breaker.

Deal Breaker: Cursing, YES
Reason why: We all agreed that obsessive cursing was a display of poor character and unbecoming. We’re all grown, let’s act like it. Isn’t obsessive cursing an indicator of anger management problems? LOL or is it just me that feels that way.

Deal Breaker: No sex before…, YES and NO, but mostly YES
Reason why: This is a deal breaker if the women already has children, so the mentality was “what is she saving herself for?” Also, if the parties already crossed that line too early in their courtship than the mentality was “why stop?” But if they began dating under this premise, both parties were willing to continue dating because they knew where they stood on the topic.

Deal Breaker: Smoker, YES
Reason why: It’s nasty, don’t want to kiss an ash tray, future health risk and health insurance coverage and cost. Obviously if you’re a smoker than you probably wouldn’t care. Yessss the days of women finding men smoking a black and mild sexy are over! (Thinking to self, not sure why that notion existed to begin with!)

Deal Breaker: Social butterfly, YES and NO
Reason why: It is great to be friendly and cordial on outings or among other friends and co-workers. In this instance being a social butterfly is a great attribute. But being anti-social can be annoying and a huge turn off. Plus frankly, I don’t want to be the only person you talk too.  No one likes a bad attitude especially when that attitude surfaces in front of mixed company. Lastly, if you’re flirtatious while being social, that’s a deal breaker.

Deal Breaker: Sexy Attire, YES and NO
Reason why: If you met the person wearing sexy attire than that is what you’re attracted to so it’s fine; if the sexiness is part of a new look, than no. The rule of thumb- don’t stray too far away from your initial appearance. Instead make minor improvements.

Deal Breaker: No Business Suit, YES
Reason why: You don’t have to wear a suit every day but the lack of owning one defiantly raises some question. I mean, what do you wear to church, weddings, funerals, etc.

Deal Breaker: Sneakers and Dress Shoes, YES
Reason why: Same reason as business suits.

Deal Breaker: No Car, YES
Reason why: No car means that you’re sitting at their house watching a movie on date night. It also means that you’ll more than likely become their mean source of transportation and who wants that.

Deal Breaker: Natural Hair, YES and No
Reason why: Men and women alike love all things natural BUT if your hair is funky than it’s a complete turn off. Wearing bonnets and head wraps in public also gets a No, No. If the hair was maintained and nicely styled at all times then it wasn’t a deal breaker.

Our conversation went on for hours and it was very entertaining to say the least. Cheers to having great friends that can make you laugh until your stomach touches your spine. #takemyfoolishadvice if you have more than 5 deal breakers found on this list, take a step back and work on yourself. Remember you can’t demand diamonds if you’re only a cubic zirconia. The goal is to be what you want to attract not what you’re running away from. Good luck and happy dating. If you have some funny deal breaker please leave them in the comment section below.

Beloved,

AWalk

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7 thoughts on “Dating Deal Breakers

  1. Brian Freeman says:

    Here comes Damien…

    Ms. Walker,

    I somewhat agree with some of what you are saying. Yes, your perceptions on dating are valid for the times but, only relative to yourself. What you call “deal breakers” I call considerations. Everthing about a person needs to be taken into consideration when attempting to assess their overall character and worthiness of an individual’s companionship. Regarding the “relationship guru”, beware of false prophets because, simply, “what might be right for you, may not be right for some”.

    For example, “Having children is relative to the person and situation.” I would have stated that everything is relative to the person and situation. You may disregard one “deal breaker” because there are characteristics that compensate for for a particular disadvantage.

    Everything on your list should be Yes/No because, for example, not having a vehicle is only important relative to where you live. If public transportation is available… is no car really that big a deal? If they don’t have a suit for church… what does “come as you are mean”?

    Also, what if the person had everything you were looking for but, you would shut it down because of a single “deal breaker”?

    Like

    • takemyfoolishadvice says:

      Hi Damiem-
      Thanks for your loyal commentary, I love a males’ perspective. Yes theses quote on quote deal breaker are in fact common “considerations”, common being the operative word. While individual traits are things to be considered and not necessary a deal breaker on their own, all or several of these traits collectively is defiantly a problem. This list was more of an abbreviated compilation of favorable and unfavorable traits.

      I do agree that this list is also relative to the single person, but again these are common issues within the dating community. And the answers given I do feel represent what the larger population of singles are thinking. I will do my hardest not to generalize but the average single person isn’t wishing for a tall dark handsome unemployed, father of 5, smoker, with no car, anti-social, curses like a sailor while living at home man. The possibility of this is slim to none. Obviously there are some problems with that situation.

      I personally would take a few things from the deal breaker list and “consider” them against what someone has to offer a healthy relationship. While keeping in mind that I CAN’T change someone else. The only thing that I can change is me and how I react to him. Period.
      In regards to coming to church as you are, yes the Bible does state that. Please keep in mind that when you come you are of one mind and when you enter you are created a new creature. That in itself is another topic that I won’t go into now.

      Again, thanks for sharing and good luck on the dating scene.

      Beloved,

      AWalk

      Like

  2. Andre Harriott says:

    Take AWalk’s Advice… She has seen a lot in her years.
    That being said I have some questions..

    What about the good person who is well educated, God fearing, and responsible but lost their job.. is there no room for that person if he is diligently making an effort?

    What about if they have kids? what about if Mother’s and Father’s comes and they have to buy four cards for each of their kid’s other partent? And if that’s the case how long should they be punished for that? How many have to leave the nest first?

    The Biz Suit? really? Who needs a suit for weddings/funerals anymore? Maybe I just can’t make it to that church service either?

    As far as living at home goes… If I had not married you sister I would still be with mom’s & pop’s!!! 🙂

    Like

    • takemyfoolishadvice says:

      Hi Andre-
      You got question, I got answers. There person that lost their job, there is defiantly place for that individual because for your question he has a lot going for himself. He’s well educated, God fearing, and responsible. A person like that can certainly get a second date. Now a person that has never had a job, no high school diploma, and doesn’t know the Lord, that person on the other hand has too many deal breakers.

      In regards to leaving the nest, it not a matter of when you leave as much as if you left to begin with. Or even have intentions on leaving. A person, man especially, that still lives at home in his mid to late 30, it gives reason for pause. Now if you combine that with a child(ren) also under his parents’ roof….C’mon son… really? There is more the story and I just don’t know if I’m willing or desire to dig deeper because already that too much for me to handle.

      When you step out into the dating world it should be with intention of taking the best you and combining it with the best someone else. The individuals that I described are not the “best” them and that’s okay. My foolish advice is for them to work on themselves before placing a relationship as an item on the priority list. Speaking of priorities, if you don’t have things that effect your livelihood in order, how can I possible expect for you to have my heart?

      I’m loving the males point of view on this topic. Keep them coming guys.

      Beloved,

      AWalk

      Like

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