Single mothers are only good for sex, as side pieces or jump-offs!
Single mothers are not to be taken seriously; they’re something to have fun with!
Single mothers are reckless and sleep with multi partners!
Single mothers are uneducated and living off of government assistance!
Single mothers go on one date with you and try to make you their “baby daddy”!
Single mothers have multiple babies by multiple men!
Heard enough… These are some of the stereotypes that I’ve heard both sexes hurl around to either defend or offend single mothers and women in general. The list can go on and on and on… and don’t be a black single mother because that brings about a whole set of stereotypes on its own. Though I wish this were false, in my experience, most of these hurtful stereotypes are spoken by other women.
There is such a horrible stigma attached to being a single mother it’s a wonder why more of us haven’t killed ourselves from depression, suicide or silence. By no means am I saying that being a single mother should be worn as a badge of honor. I will declare, however, that we are not the bottom of the barrel simply because we are single mothers. We all are not gold-digging-hoochie-momma’s trying to sleep, or steal, your man. Nor are we running around having sex with reckless abandonment. While the world loves to use us as their poster child of “what not to do” and fit us into their statistical analysis, it’s forgotten in the process that we are human beings WITH emotions. Need I remind you that we are all sinners and while my sin (pre-marital sex) can be physically seen it still doesn’t make you a first class citizen. We are too comfortable with judging and reminding others of their short comings in this world. The self-esteem and character of single mothers are continuously under attack for one single act of indiscretion. We all fall short of the glory of God, not just single mothers.
After the smear campaign what remain are sisters, daughters, nieces, role models, business women, leaders and women of character, integrity, honor, pride, love and yes a single mother. Please do not get my message twisted I am not advocating for pre-marital sex and having children out of wedlock, I am attempting to simply expose the other side, the bigger picture.
So what is the bigger picture? The child isn’t going anywhere. When it’s all said and done we single mothers are charged with the responsibility of raising a healthy and beautiful child. There is a social deficiency that no one seems to notice. The stigma attached to being a single mother works well to deter other young women from falling into the same predicament; but it’s absolutely crippling for those that already have. You’re left to feel like you can’t turn to God because you have committed the worst sin imaginable. And if for a minute you think you’re forgiven there is always someone or something to remind you otherwise. You can’t date because now you’re classified as “damaged goods” a “play thang”. There is no reprieve. It is no wonder that postpartum depression last longer in single mothers. There will be times in life that you don’t always do it “right” the first time. When it comes to other circumstances people are allowed to move on, why not single mothers.
It’s like never having the bona fide chance to improve your social situation. We are not all cut from the same cloth; it’s not a one size fit all type of party. We are not damaged goods and should be judged on a case by case basis. My personality, character and integrity should speak for me. Not the stereotypes of what you think a single mother is all about. At the end of the day we are still left with a child to raise. Unfortunately, not all of us survive this social deficiency, it only contributes to deterioration of the mother and the child. This is a very board topic so I will end it here for now but I’m sure we’ll discuss it more in the future.
The video below is from a youtuber named Taren Guy. I enjoyed her take on the subject and I’m sure you will too. #takemyfoolishadvice we are all sinner, deserving of a second chance and forgiveness. Be sure to leave your comments below.
Beloved,
AWalk
Preach!!!!
It is funny to me that people stand in the position of being “Righteous” just because their actions didn’t result in a scarlet letter on their shoulders.
God know what’s up!!
Exactly! What’s done in the dark will come to light. When it does we all need to be forgiving and loving to each other. We all fall from grace sometimes. Thanks for commenting.
Beloved,
AWalk
Do you mean actions or choices?
Ok, so being a single mother of three this topic is a HUGE for me. First off let me say that all three have the same father cause that is usually the first question I get. And I feel sorry for those that have multiple baby daddys cause thats an even worse stigma. I usually get a suspect look till that info is given and then the look softens…just a bit. There’s always a look of judegment left though. Since when does being a single mother make you the biggest sinner of all cause that’s how some will make you feel. Of course they could be the biggest criminal of all, but you being a single mother (upstanding citizen too I should mention) gets looked down at. People sin is sin, and once forgiven God moves on, so you should too!
And let’s not talks about dating as a single mother. No, I am not looking for financial support to take care of my kids, I am doing that on my own by the grace of God. I could go on and on ans on for days but I’ll stop here lol. Thanks for this one A!
Hi Nyki,
Isn’t it interesting that the person’s opinion changes depending on the status of the mother and father? Not once do they stop to think that it took two people to get here. People also don’t stop to realize that you could become a single mother due to divorce, rape, incest, widowed or medical reason. Society has a lot of growing to do and it’s unfortunate that we’re not there yet. This is a broad topic and there will be some more dialogue on it in the future. Thanks for commenting.
Beloved,
AWalk
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Thanks so much for sharing my article on your blog!
I saw this post, and I thought I should leave one male’s perspective. I don’t believe single mother’s should be ridiculed and opressed as sin is sin no matter the flavor. However, I don’t believe society should be forced to accept it. We wouldn’t ask society to accept the murder, theft, and other wrongs that could negatively impact people as a whole. What we should do is try to stop it from occurring as with anything else. As with anything else one must always pay the consequence for their actions. Sometimes the payments are rough and can last a lifetime. No child should have to grow up without a father or mother due to irreconcilable differences between the parents. This is a selfish act when it occurs. Today, people are talking more dating and less marriages. Men need to grow up, be responsible, take charge, and be understanding towards their companions. While women need to start keeping their standards high, and supporting the men. How would you feel as a parent and your child comes home telling you he wants to marry someone who has a child from a previous relationship? What would be your advice to your son or daughter? Now I’m not even close to perfect by any means, but I can still comment on what should be done.
Hey Martin,
Thanks for posting your comment. I always welcome the male perspective and TMFA readers really appreciate it. I agree that having children out of wedlock should not be condoned or accepted as the norm. My problem is with the “after”. After the child has arrived, after you have learned from your mistake, after you have committed yourself to living a more “responsible” or more “dedicated” life.
You mention that some consequences of sin is a life time, I agree, some are. I don’t believe that have children out of wedlock is one of them however. There needs to be a little bit more forgiveness and love and compassion over all. As you stated, none of us are perfect. We are all sinners.
Thanks so much for your feedback. We’ll look to hear from you again.
Beloved,
AWalk
Martin What do you think of me? a single mother of three who was married for 9 years to a man that became alcholic and abusive because i have been through hell already for my “mistake” of marrying a man i loved and trusted ad having his children and having him turn on me. Because even though I have been through hell i also have to deal with men and women who think like you and judge me.
Hi Tara,
Thank you for sharing. A lot of women are single mothers because of dissolved marriages, death or separation. Unfortunately the stigma of single mothers is caste on them as well. Either way I am thankful that you were able to remove yourself and your children from such a volatile relationship. I will you and your children well. Continue to check here with us on topic just like this. I would love you feedback!
Beloved,
AWalk
Tell men to stop leaving their families then. Its very often because an unmarried man thinks he can just walk away from all responsibility.
Yes it’s not always so black and white, my ex was already married and we planned our son. He was living a double life. See the men rarely are blamed but are usually the one who lies and leaves the responsibility to the mother. My son has never seen his father, and I want nothing from him… I’m a woman, I can handle this on my own and so can you:)
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It’s hard for single moms and I applaud the majority for the toughness they show everyday. It’s still very hard for men to date single moms because the ones whove worked hard to avoid having kids feels like its an injustice to what they’ve tried so long to avoid!
You said it best –”the world loves to use us as their poster child of ‘what not to do’”, and I thank you for tackling these stereotypes. I see too many people contributing their ignorant opinions about single mothers, and it’s always inspiring when someone dedicates their time and effort to defending us single moms.
Hi there,
Thanks so much for stopping by. I always try to defend the good decisions that good parents make. It’s a shame that negativity carries more press then positivity. I plan to conquer that one post at a time.
Beloved,
AWalk
If a woman was married then it is different. But a woman with multiple children by multiple men is damaged goods in my opinion. As a black male with no children, I find it more than disturbing that many of my prospects have children already with men that are not present in their children’s lives. There is nothing that a woman like that can do for me that she hasn’t already done for another man. In fact most of them don’t want to have any more children, so what’s left? I can’t have progeny of my own, all I can do is help raise another mans child. People deserve second chances for sure but I would be lowering my standards and playing myself if I were to take a single mom seriously. I will not date them and that severely limits my options, but I’m fine with that. Women need to stop having kids by men that they hardly know. Being a single mother is hard, I’m sure but it does not make you beyond reproach. People will judge you by what you do and that’s just life. To have three kids by three men is disgusting and quite frankly speaks to your character and decision making.
Why not date a single father?
The best course of action is to ONLY date when the kids are with the other parent, DO NOT let them meet each other, don’t even talk about the kids after the first date except to disclose your status as a single mother, keep your dating life completely separate from your children, and THEN remarry AFTER your children are grown and in college or otherwise out of the house. Do not invite the children or their father to your wedding either.
Hi Mr. Jones,
Welcome to Takemyfoolishadvice. You asked “Why not date a single father?” I would, in a heart beat. I started to agree with you comment up until the very end. I think “keep your dating life completely separate from your children, and THEN remarry AFTER your children are grown and in college or otherwise out of the house. Do not invite the children or their father to your wedding either” is a bit drastic. If you love the person and they love you then it’s only natural to introduce them to everything and everyone you love. I also think it’s healthy for the children. Having a blended family in some ways is better then having a family filled with blood relatives. That’s just myfoolishadvice. Please visit with us again soon.
Beloved,
AWalk
Personally, I don t find something bad about single mothers. I dated one in the past. She had a little girl (never married). She had a great personality, many times more interesting that other ladies I have met.
Lol. Why is “sin” even being talked about here? This isn’t a religious matter in the slightest. Your sin of pre-marital sex isn’t a sin; you made a bad call. Sin doesn’t play into it.
Yes, single mothers are damaged goods. Why? Because everyone knows how they got that way. They didn’t make an appointment with the stork doctor to have it dropped off in a little basket at the front door, all nice and neat– they got fucked. Maybe even sucked his dick too, as a first course. It’s like wearing a Scarlet Letter. This isn’t tough to figure out. And beyond that, any guy willing to seriously date a single mom is desperate. I’d rather not be desperate, personally.
Single mothers are damaged goods yes. They are inferior to childless single women in the same way that a guy with money will always be more desirable to women than a guy who is broke. People who do not admit this truth are in denial.
The blame for this state of affairs largely rests with feminism. We didn’t have this problem when society valued the family unit. These days hypergamy is the norm; women are encouraged to divorce, even rewarded for doing so, wrecking families and ruining the lives of children, all because they think they can “do better”. When it all goes to shit and these women turn 30 with a child they can’t afford to raise, they inevitably blame men.
This is why men are increasingly avoiding marriage and avoiding western women who are mostly brainwashed with this feminist dogma. We don’t want to raise another man’s kids, it is unnatural. In the wild, a lion will refuse to raise kids that aren’t his own, and they are even known to kill another man’s kids and start afresh with his female.
Stop trying to force men into being cuckolds.
Hello John,
Thanks for your comment. While I can appreciate your point of view, I respectfully disagree on some of the points that you made. I for one do not think that just because single mothers are less desirable that it makes us inferior. It’s an individual preference that does not equate to the quality of person or group of persons. In regards to the value of the family unit, it needed and needs to be respected from both men and women. Feminism didn’t create broken homes, while it may be a contributing factor, so is adultery, undercover homosexuality, and a society that has blurred the lines of traditional male and female domestic roles.
You described raising another man’s child as being unnatural and likened it to Lion’s killing the cubs of another lion in the wild. Lions are not the only mammals with this behavior; gorillas kill the offspring of other gorillas too. The main reason this occurs is so the female will immediately go back in season. A lioness will not mate again until she has raised her cubs in 2 years time. Since a lion’s reign is 2-3 years they kill the cub in order to reproduce before they are defeated by a younger, stronger lion. Raising a child not of your own is not unnatural; but not loving a child that is not your own is.
Thanks for your comment and I hope to see you again soon.
Beloved,
AWalk
I stopped reading at “undercover homosexuality”. Homosexuality is not a new concept, it didn’t start in the swinging 60s, so blaming it for a modern phenomena especially in an age when homosexuality is far more acceptable than in the past, seems irrational and more to the point is an argument I’ve heard many times before from brainwashed feminists.
Nothing in my post was radical or extremist, this is really the view that the majority of normal men hold but are too nice/beta to tell you to your face. Whereas women will have no problem telling a short man, or a broke unemployed guy that he is undesirable, you will never run out of beta males tripping over each other to offer words of support to single mothers who statistically initiate the vast majority of divorces. If men are such cheaters then why have divorce rates initiated by women rocketed along with no-fault divorces? Because men aren’t cheating, women are just getting “bored” and trying to get something better. Hypergamy in action, fuelled by delusional feminism.
At the end of the day, it isn’t my problem. I’m single and never intend to marry, like many other single guys. Women can rant and rave about men not stepping up but it is their own fault, they have ruined the family unit and marriage in general.
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